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Pastors' Wives--Only the Lonely

The role of a minister's wife is often a very lonely place to be. But I don’t have to tell YOU that.

Ryan and I are extremely transparent with our lives, probably more than a lot of ministry families like to be. Yet even being so open, the positions in ministry themselves can cause a separation from others.

Ever hear the phrase when you walk in a room, "Uh-oh, we better be good now, the preacher's wife is here."? I smile and laugh, but I really think, "Obviously you don't know me at all, because I'm just as screwed up as the next person." That’s one of the reasons why I love being in a small group with women from our church, particularly women who are newer to the church and don’t already have preconceived ideas of what a minister’s wife should be like. The more I let my guard down, the more the women tend to see me as a real person just like them and a true relationship can begin to form.

And while that does help with the feelings of loneliness and isolation, there are still those times when I just need to vent to someone about the constant claim on my husband by the church through phone calls and text messages, meetings, counseling sessions, needy women, crazy time demands, etc. Crushingly, during those times even some of my closest, most intimate friends have responded, "Well isn't that his job?" In that moment, you crumble and realize that there is possibly no one in your life who can truly understand your world.

But that is NOT true. It’s a lie that Satan wants us to believe.

First of all, even in those times when you honestly cannot think of one person in your life who can humanly understand your trials, remember that Jesus Christ does! “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15 HCSB) Even His own disciples, the guys who hung with Him day and night for three years, struggled to understand what Jesus was dealing with or trying to teach. Read through the Gospels and see how often Jesus turned to those men closest to Him and said, “Do you still NOT understand?”

Jesus gets it. He knows how you feel, because He felt that way too.

Secondly, there ARE women today who feel what you feel, experience what you experience and who hurt like you hurt. It is finally becoming more common for pastor’s wives to connect with one another for support and encouragement, especially through social media. For instance, there are private groups on Facebook, like The Confidante ~ for Pastors’ Wives and Pastor’s Wives at Kristy’s Cottage, where you can connect with women walking a similar walk to you all across the country!

And lastly, that is the mission that God has laid on my heart through this webpage – to shout to pastor’s wives in every corner of the earth, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Please always feel free to contact me through the website as well as my Facebook page as we link arms and walk this walk together.


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