Pastor's Wife, Mom, Writer & Imperfect Seeker of Jesus
Where Am I Going?
July 27, 2015
Some days I just feel like a hamster on a wheel. I keep running and running and running and I’m tired. But when I stop and look around, nothing has changed. I’m in the exact same place I was before I exhausted myself. Ever been there?
I know that in reality as long as I am walking with The Lord SOMETHING is changing. I’m certainly not the same person I was five, ten or twenty years ago. But when you’re in the heart of the daily grind, it can easily seem like you aren’t going anywhere.
It has been a long journey of ups, downs and sometimes utter confusion to even get to this place in the path that I have felt God calling me to. And there are some days that I just want to give up, because to be honest, I really have no idea where I'm going since in my limited humanity I can't see the end of the earthly path. I’m just blindly walking ahead in trust.
It was about eight years ago that God set me at the start of this current journey of a desire to write for His glory. At first I walked hesitantly down the path, because I really didn't want to be on it, but as I gained confidence and sure footing on this new ground, I found myself trying to run toward the finish. The problem was I didn’t know where the finish was or what it looked like. And I still don’t for sure.
Occasionally I will get a glimpse of where I THINK God is leading me, and I will excitedly speed along, only to find that around the next bend there is a completely different terrain and I fall flat on my face with the unsure footing. Sometimes I find Satan himself hidden along the path tossing large ankle-breaking rocks into my way.
I SO want to know where God is taking me. Basically I want to “get there!" Have you ever felt that way? Ever wondered what on earth you are doing here? Tonight I was reminded that I don't always get to see the big picture. God will toss me a piece of the puzzle, and while I don't always know where it fits or why it's even a part of the picture, I do know it is mine. I'm comforted that in this vast universe, He knows my name and He DOES have a plan for me.
The story of Joseph has touched my heart in so many ways. (Read Genesis 37-50 for the complete story.) God set Joseph at the beginning of his path with just a couple dreams. I'm sure 17-year-old Joseph began imagining what those dreams could mean and where God might be taking him. Yet suddenly the path changed, or so it seemed, and stumbling blocks starting coming from all directions.
Can't you just imagine Joseph's conversations with God....
"What on earth was the purpose of those dreams just to throw me into the bottom of a dry cistern?" "What good was having my father's favor when I've been ripped from my family?" "I can't even speak the language in Egypt! How will I ever influence anyone?” But Joseph trusted in God and willingly followed the path laid out before him. He worked as though working for The Lord in Potiphar's home. Until...
"Really? After all these years of service and faithfulness, this is how I'm repaid? Thrown into prison--unjustifiably I might add." But even in prison, Joseph honored God and had the opportunity to interpret the dreams of some employees of Pharaoh. But once again...
"You've got to be kidding me this time. I thought for sure I was going to get out of here. I mean, you gave me the interpretation for none other than Pharaoh's personal cup bearer! But it's been two more years and I'm still here in this dank prison!"
Then one day, when Joseph was 30 years old, everything changed. You know the story. In but a matter of hours, Joseph's path took a new direction. Yet have you ever thought about the possibility that his path was in that direction all along? It just wasn't taking the route to get there that he might have desired. Thirteen years is a long time to wait. Even then, it was more than seven more years before he ever saw his family again. When he did see them, he told them, “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Genesis 45:8 NIV) Wow! He didn't play the blame game, but rather he allowed himself to trust the big picture God had been creating all along. Talk about a man of faith! Twenty years from the bottom of a cistern to the power of the palace surrounded by his family again.
So maybe your path hasn't been the kind you would have chosen. Perhaps you're not sure it even has a direction at all. Trust God. Live faithfully. I'm pretty sure that just like Joseph, it's gonna be worth it.